Dealing with the subject of vendor fees can be oh-so-sticky when it comes to weddings. On the one hand we have lightness and love and family and new beginnings (Cue "We've Only Just Begun" to play in the background) and on the other hand we have mortgages and hard work and talent and the need to ingest copious amounts of chocolate on some days (Cue "Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend" soundtrack). We've got brides who swear by DIY and vendors who think it's the tackiest thing going. At one end of the spectrum, we've got vendors being accused of being part of the Wedding Industrial Complex and to-be-wed couples being told that their day will be a complete disaster if they don't have a monogrammed aisle runner. And on the other end, we've got brides trying to DIY everything from sewing their dresses to skewering bacon-wrapped shrimp for their appetizers and wondering why they're exhausted come the wedding day.
Oh yeah--and don't forget to throw in an economy that's been quite turbulent for several years now. Watch out!
In what has all this resulted? Well, it's not all bad, in my humble opinion. On the plus side, many couples have scaled back their $30,000-and-up wedding day expectations and have planned smaller affairs that are more focused on the heart than on the pocketbook. They're limiting their guest lists, prioritizing their spending, realizing what is truly important and proceeding accordingly. There's a whole lot less buyer's remorse in these cases, and a whole lot more memories upon which to look back on and smile about. We're seeing a huge rise in the number of elopements and intimate wedding ceremonies.
And in other positive news,many of my wedding service provider peers are finally (finally!) coming around to the fact that the "high end bride" is largely a myth. They've stopped digging their heels in, and rather than holding out for the dying breed of couples for whom money is no object, they've designed alternative packages for those who want to spend less. Wedding-planning couples are more apt to encounter vendors who cater to a wide variety of budgets, as opposed to the days of yesteryear where a vendor's target market was more narrowly focused. And that is very good news indeed.
Couples are also thinking more creatively than ever in planning their weddings. (Pause to shout, "LOVE IT!") They are reflecting more on what they want their special day to look like, as opposed to robotically going along with the way it's always been done. Walking down the aisle draped in yards of fluffy white meringue is no longer required!
All good. And it's the savvy vendor who does their best to work with this new generation of creative-thinking couples. It's definitely a win/win if one plays their cards right. It makes more sense to brainstorm with today's couple than it does to attempt to brainwash them.
But then there are the minuses. Oh, those minuses! How they plague all parties!
First of all, with more emphasis than ever being placed on cost and value, sometimes both couples and vendors alike forget that we are all aiming for the same result--a memorable (in a good way) wedding day experience. Contrary to what the extremists think, the number of demanding Bridezillas and greedy vendors is really quite small. It's simply too draining on both sides to be consistently unpleasant and narcissistic. Sometimes when budgets (both wedding and household) get strained, it's tough to remember that.
Another minus, of course, is the rise of what I think of as "Craig's List Vendors," (which is more of a generic term than a slam against everyone who advertises on CL; think of it as a "type"). CLVs are the individuals with a modicum of talent (or not) who--in an effort to shore up their own dwindling economic resources--slap up their wedding vendor shingles and offer services (and I use that term very lightly) such as photography, officiating, cake-baking and DJing. They charge a fraction of what the real pros charge and for the most part, the quality of their services leaves something to be desired (assuming they show up, of course--it's always a crapshoot with the CLVs).
Then there's Minus #3--the vendors who refuse to adapt to the times that are a-changin' and stubbornly stay entrenched in doing things the old way. Most of these folks have shuttered their businesses, blaming everyone but themselves for their misfortune. They can presently be found unhappily ensconced in a cubicle from 9:00 to 5:00 weekdays and parked in front of their TVs the rest of the time. It's a shame--all they had to do was listen to their prospective customers.
But I think the biggest minus of all is the rise in bridal and groomal (yeah, I made that word up, but I'm not letting the guys off the hook for lack of verbiage!) tendency to want to...well...how do I say this delicately?
Haggle. Dicker. Bargain. Quibble. Wrangle. Negotiate. (Yeah, that ought to cover it!)
When wedding planning turns into a game of "Let's Get the Best Deal," then one can wager that the end result will not be a marriage made in heaven between bride/groom and vendor. The focus becomes money, plain and simple. Creative expression, quality of service, customer service, experience, innovation, professionalism, value, and even empathy--they all go out the window. The art of wedding planning turns into nothing more than a day at the flea market. Let's get the best price at any cost. And believe me, that cost may be high indeed.
I'm not here to tell couples that they're fundamentally flawed when they take the Price Haggling Route to wedding planning. Nope. I'm checking my judgmental baggage at the door. I am here, however, to counsel such happy hagglers on the outcome of their bargain-hunting ways.
I'll put it very succinctly: it's not pretty.
Any vendor that a couple is capable of browbeating into lowering their prices generally isn't worth their salt. A true professional will price their services accordingly and be able to justify (not defend!) their rates. They will also understand that every bride/groom wants the best wedding day experience that their dollars can buy, so they'll try their best to accommodate any reasonable budget. Of course, this means reducing the level of some of the services offered--although the quality will not suffer if the vendor is a true professional.
So, for example, an officiant (a profession about which I know a thing or two) might offer a budget-friendly pre-written service that doesn't have the customizing of a higher end ceremony, but is still delivered with consummate professionalism (and gives all in attendance the warm fuzzies). In this case, the professional officiant has tailored their service offerings to accommodate couples of a greater range of budgets. One would think this would be a win/win. And in most cases, it is.
Trust me on this, the last thing a wedded-couple-to-be should contemplate is to attempt to bully the officiant into offering the customized ceremony at the pre-written ceremony price. The professional officiant will be offended that the value of their work is being diminished; they will sigh in exasperation that they are expected to work for less than their time and talent demands. They will also secretly want said bride/groom to go away. Quietly--without a whimper. "Please go to Craig's List," we silently wish. Leave us alone so that we can focus on the clients who do value our time and talent. They are so much more fun to work with!
Of course, we won't ever tell Bargain Bride this. We will smile (or grit our teeth if our communication is via email and Bargain Bride can't see us) and try to patiently educate BB on why we charge what we charge for the various levels of services that we offer. But do not be fooled by our professional exterior. We have lost a modicum of respect for the BB (or the Haggling Groom--same/same).
We are not amused by their bargain basement ways.
I'm guessing this is not the relationship most couples want to foster with their wedding day professionals.
Lets Try an Analogy
One wouldn't go into the local Piggly Wiggly and attempt to negotiate with the store manager over the price of a can of creamed corn, now would one? One would be quite embarrassed to exhibit such behavior and one might even be asked to leave said store by an irritated store manager should one attempt such an interaction. It's pretty much accepted that one either pays the price of the corn, buys a cheaper brand (look on the lower shelves!), goes to another store in search of a lower price, or goes home and creams one's own corn from scratch. All of these would be viable and reasonable options, yes?
Dare I suggest that those very same options should be the only ones available to brides- and grooms-to-be?
In other words, don't expect vendors to offer the creme de la creme of creamed corn at the DIY price. It doesn't work that way.
And yes, sometimes it does hurt to ask.
A florist is not going to be happy about being asked to provide orchids at chrysanthemum prices. A wedding planner contracted to provide day of wedding services is going to resent the expectation that they perform tasks that fall under their highest-end bells and whistles category. A DJ with thousands of dollars in quality sound equipment is not going to eagerly embrace the request that he price-match the guy down the street who has an Ipod and "really good" speakers.
So, if you're tempted to stray into the land of Hagglehood, attempt to negotiate if you must, but be aware of the consequences. A better approach might be to tell the vendor your budget and ask what, if anything, he or she can offer for that price.
And when it comes to the subject of money, we vendors are not left off the hook. Not at all. It's our job to be sure that our price reflects the quality and cost of our services. Likewise, we must be able to confidently justify why we charge what we charge should we politely be asked to do so.
But that's another blog entry. Stay tuned.
The staff of Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants write and perform unique, joyful and memorable wedding ceremonies in Colorado, California and Oregon. Visit our regional websites for more info:
Lyssabeth's:
Colorado Wedding Officiants
Colorado Springs Wedding Officiants
CO Western Slope Wedding Officiants
Steamboat Springs Wedding Officiants
Bay Area, CA Wedding Officiants
Monterey CA Wedding Officiants
Santa Cruz CA Wedding Officiants
Fort Collins Wedding Officiants (Northern CO)
Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants (Colorado Mountains)
Oregon Wedding Officiants
Oregon Coast Wedding Officiants
Posts
